When Your Child's Diagnosis Leads to Questioning If You Are Neurodivergent Too
Discovering that your child has been diagnosed with autism, ADHD, or another neurodivergent trait can be a moment of both clarity and reflection. It might bring a sense of relief finally understanding your child's behaviors and needs but it can also trigger questions about your own experiences. If you find yourself wondering, Could I be autistic too? Do I have ADHD? you are not alone. Many parents share these thoughts because neurodivergent traits often run in families, and our children’s diagnoses can illuminate aspects of ourselves that we had previously questioned or dismissed.
In this blog, we explore how a child’s neurodivergent diagnosis can serve as a catalyst for self-discovery for parents. We’ll discuss embracing these questions with curiosity, emphasizing neurodiversity-affirming perspectives, and finding acceptance in the process of understanding oneself.
Recognizing Your Own Neurodivergence: A Natural Question
When your child receives a diagnosis, it’s common to reflect on your own life and behaviors. You might notice similarities perhaps heightened sensory awareness, difficulty focusing, social differences, or routines and rituals that resonate deeply with your own experience. This isn’t mere coincidence; neurodivergence often appears in families.
It’s essential to approach these questions with kindness and curiosity. Whether or not you identify as neurodivergent, these thoughts are valuable signals that your brain works in ways that may differ from societal norms but those differences are valid and valuable.
The Genetic Connection: Why Neurodivergence Often Runs in Families
One important aspect to consider when questioning your own neurodivergence is the role of genetics. Research shows that autism and ADHD have strong hereditary components. According to numerous studies, if you have a family member with autism or ADHD, there is an increased likelihood that you or other relatives might also be neurodivergent.
Autism: Genetics play a significant role. Studies suggest that if a family member has autism, the chances of other family members being neurodivergent increase. Specific genes are associated with autism, though it’s a complex interplay of multiple genes and other factors.
ADHD: Research indicates that ADHD has a strong hereditary component as well. If a parent has ADHD, there’s a high probability that their child, and potentially other relatives, might share similar traits. These traits can include difficulties with sustained attention, impulsivity, or hyperactivity, which may also be present in parents or other family members.
Understanding that these traits are inherited can be both validating and comforting. It underscores that neurodivergence is a natural human variation rooted in biology not a flaw or something to be ashamed of. This knowledge can help you approach your questions with compassion and a sense of connection rather than shame.
The Power of Self-Discovery and Self-Acceptance
1. Unlocking Self-Knowledge and Validation
Just as understanding your child's neurodivergence can help them embrace who they are, discovering whether you are also neurodivergent can be profoundly validating. It provides words and frameworks to understand the ways you think, feel, and interact with the world. Maybe you have difficulty managing attention, experience sensory overload, struggle with social cues, or find comfort in routines. These are common experiences within the neurodiverse community.
Realizing that these traits are part of a neurological difference not personal failings can be liberating. It shifts the narrative from self-criticism to self-compassion, helping you accept yourself more fully.
2. Fostering Personal Growth and Self-Compassion
If you determine that you are neurodivergent, then your journey becomes not just about supporting your child but also about embracing your identity. It’s an opportunity for growth, understanding, and self-care. Recognizing your neurodivergent traits allows you to develop strategies and seek support that enhance your well-being just like you would for your child.
The process of questioning can sometimes bring up feelings of guilt, shame, or uncertainty. Remember, these emotions are part of the healing journey. Be gentle with yourself, affirm your worth, and recognize that you are deserving of understanding and acceptance.
Embracing Neurodivergence as a Parent and an Advocate
Recognizing and accepting your own neurodivergence aligns beautifully with the principles of neurodiversity-affirming living. Here’s how you can approach this discovery journey:
1. Normalize Your Experience
Many in the neurodiverse community experience similar traits, and that’s something to be celebrated. Your experiences connect you to a larger community of resilient, creative, and insightful individuals. You’re not alone in feeling different, and these differences are part of the rich spectrum of human diversity.
2. Seek Resources and Support
Just as you support your child, seek out information, support groups, or professionals who celebrate neurodiversity. They can provide validation, connection, and practical strategies tailored to your experience. Whether through therapy, peer groups, or educational resources, connecting with others who share similar traits can strengthen your understanding and acceptance of yourself.
3. Cultivate Self-Compassion and Self-Advocacy
Recognize your strengths—traits associated with neurodivergence often come with incredible talents like heightened creativity, empathy, problem-solving skills, or unique ways of processing information. Learning to advocate for yourself by setting boundaries, seeking accommodations, or simply honoring your own needs is a vital step towards self-acceptance. Your journey of supporting your child's neurodivergence includes modeling what it means to embrace and advocate for one’s authentic self.
4. Reframe Your Narrative
Instead of viewing your neurodivergent traits as limitations, see them as integral parts of your story—sources of insight, resilience, and strength. Celebrate the ways your brain works differently and how that contributes to your personal growth. Recognize that your uniqueness is a gift, and embracing it enriches not only your life but also the lives of those around you.
Moving Beyond Doubt: From Questioning Neurodivergence to Celebration
Questions about whether you are neurodivergent because of your child’s diagnosis can be disconcerting, but they also open the door for self-exploration and liberation. Rather than viewing these questions as uncertainties or doubts, approach them as opportunities to learn more about yourself.
This pathway toward self-understanding is an act of profound self-love. It affirms that you, like your child, are an important and valuable part of the neurodiverse community. Your traits, experiences, and insights matter—they are part of what makes you uniquely you.
Final Thoughts
If you’re questioning whether you might be neurodivergent, know that your feelings and reflections are incredibly valid. This is a meaningful step toward understanding yourself better and embracing your full identity. While self-reflection is a vital part of this process, obtaining a formal evaluation for ADHD or autism can provide clarity, validation, and access to the resources and supports you and your family deserve.
Seeking a professional ADHD and autism assessment isn’t about labeling or diagnosing for the sake of labels—it’s about gaining insight into your unique neurobiology, understanding your strengths and challenges, and opening doors to tailored strategies and accommodations. A formal evaluation can help you and your child navigate the world with greater confidence, self-awareness, and acceptance.
Address Your Unique Neurodivergent Needs With ADHD and Autism Evaluations in Middlesex, NJ
Understand who you are by getting an ADHD and Autism evaluation! These evaluations can uncover the support you need, like accommodations for school and/or week, and personalized counseling. Don't wait - start your journey to personal growth with the help of True Reflections! Follow these three simple steps to get started:
Request an appointment to set up an evaluation
Begin meeting with a skilled neurodivergent affirming therapist
Find support embracing your strengths!
Other Services Offered at True Reflections
At True Reflections Mental Health Services, I’m here to help you find your true self and help you overcome anything with therapy. So in addition to providing ADHD and Autism Assessments, I also offer Autism and Anxiety Therapy, ADHD and Anxiety Therapy, Trauma Therapy for ADHD and Autism, Affirming Therapy for those with ADHD, Affirming Therapy for those with Autism, and Prenatal and Postpartum Therapy. I also offer different treatment modalities such as Play Therapy, Sandtray Therapy, EMDR Therapy, DBT Therapy, and more. My services are offered in both Middlesex, NJ as well as online in the state of New Jersey. Check out my blog for more topics!
Janine Kelly, MSW, LCSW, C-NDAAP, ADHD-CCSP, ASDCS, PMH-C, RPT-S™, C-DBT, CBT-C, CCATP-CA, CATP is a neurodivergent psychotherapist and the Founder of True Reflections Mental Health Services in Middlesex, NJ. She provides support and Neurodiversity Affirming Comprehensive ADHD & Autism Evaluations to children, teens, and adults in-person and virtually in the state of New Jersey. Janine specializes in the diagnosis of ADHD & Autism in girls and women.
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